Glitter & Disfunction

Bid day glitter sticks to me

Like the smell of smoke

From the signal fire indicating

That this was a bad idea from the start

I ignored the warnings

I dove in head first into the shallow end

Rejected like an incompatible organ

But loneliness is one hell of a drug

The ecosystem is as fragile 

As our egos 

Eating itself from the inside out

While advertising lifelong bonds and

Memories to last a lifetime

It’s not a lie exactly 

Instead of bonding over boys and mutual interests

You bond over drama, hate, and taking sides

Over who backstabbed who

The lifelong memories are ones of passive aggression and mascara tears

The ruse shakily kept together with fashion tape and extra hold hairspray

The dichotomy of the expected poise and elegance 

Dressed purely and angelically 

versus

The heavily attended parties in frat basements, 

cement ceiling dripping with condensation

As freshmen get their first taste of cheap freedom

Sweat slicked skin exposed to the flashing lights

Being a part of a coveted campus group

Or basically  just two cliques in a trenchcoat

Felt like being lost with no pressure of being found

But God do I miss it

The spectacle of it all

Sister, sister

Stockholm Syndrome

Morbid curiosity plagues me even post-escape

The cult-like chants that still haunt my psyche 

The membership pin I still keep close

Safe in its respective velvet lined box

Along with that version of who I once was

Sealed with my letters engraved on the top

Like any other experience,

It becomes a part of you 

A foundation for what comes next

The idea still captivating 

Even though I know that all that lies behind the curtain

Is glitter and disfunction